Talk to the Lord, to one another, and/or a family counselor, not a divorce lawyer.

It is interesting to note that since the No-Fault Divorce Law first passed in California, divorces increased; leading to more marriages disagreements be a good enough reason to divorce. Despite of how much accessible divorce is in these days; research has shown that 70% of divorced people regret their decision of getting a divorce. It is important to keep in mind the negative consequences that divorce has, especially in children. 62% of women who get divorced go into poverty with their children. Dads are more likely to move in within 400 miles from their children; denying the children to have the positive effects that father have on both male and female kids. 

So, it is a lot easier to talk to the Lord in prayer and counsel with your spouse to try to resolve conflicts and save a marriage. At least 70% of couples who end up working it out, reported five years to be satisfied with their marriage. DO IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN! There are less emotional, psychological, even physiological negative consequences on children in intact families. They end up being more productive to society. Also, think about how time consuming and expensive divorces are. 

Children? OKAY! Teenagers? NOOOO!

The idea of having children seems like a difficult task because they require constant attention, nourishment, discipline and love. Nevertheless, we are more than willing to do it, because we also think of the positive side of having babies. For example, we think of how adorable they are, anything that they do(including burping out loud, being dirty when they poop their diapers, crying and whining when they are not happy) makes us smile and motivate us to teach them, they are dependent on us and that makes up for all the hard work.
The idea of having teenagers seem even more difficult and almost impossible. Many parents treat them differently and lose patience.  Often the teenage-parent relationship is simply a constant battle for authority and supremacy. But why? What has changed? They are still the same product of your and your spouse's love for each other. They DO require constant attention, nourishment, discipline, and LOVE. They also have much good to offer. Why do we get annoyed now when they make mistakes? They still don't know better... You wouldn't treat a baby the way you treat a teenager when they mistakes (they still burp out loud, but we tell them to shut up, they are dirty... they might not poop their diapers... but they don't clean their room, they CRY and WHINE still, but we tell them to suck it up). Are they not adorable anymore? Parents still have the responsibility and privilege to educate and motivate their teenagers to continue developing. You are not done being a parent when they are teenagers. They, more than ever, are dependent on you! Are you there? Are you willing to do your part? Being a teenager is already hard enough; but they do not need parents that make it even harder; they need loving, understanding but firm parents! Be one!

Stay home moms can still grow!

I agree that raising a child and doing house work, it is HARD work; but it is not work that helps the mothers continue developing intellectually. I can see from this perspective why some feminist movements would put so much of an emphasis in mothers not being full-time homemakers to help them develop, grow and expand their potential. Nevertheless, I feel like it is needed to understand the doctrine of the family as taught by ancient and modern prophets, in order to be able to see that extreme measures are not needed to help women continue progressing. The divine role of the mothers is, ultimately, to nourish their children and family. Parents are equally obligated to help one another in their roles; but that does not take away from the fact that it was divinely appointed that mothers are the ones who have been endowed with the gifts necessary to make this happen. Again, this is HARD WORK!

 

I also agree that there are many ways in which women can continue to develop their cognitive skills as they fulfill their role. Being a mother is not intended to be a stumbling rock, rather is a stepping stone. Women can be part of their children's learning and development, which provides a great opportunity for them to continue to learn. When this full-time job is done with the correct attitude and right perspective, it is a powerful source of continual growing and learning. House shores are more manual and require less use of cognitive functions that will allow their minds to expand. But in today's world, with the technological opportunities, anybody has access to learn and expand their mind anytime and anywhere. Even when cleaning, cooking, or doing any other house shore; we can change the channel from the "mind-numbing " soap operas and reality shows; to mind expanding educational shows.

Celestial marriages require Celestial counseling!

As I said in my last post, we need to be prepared to accept and deal with the unavoidable problems that we will encounter in our families. The best way to be prepared is to be able to communicate with your spouse about those issues. I feel like the most important step in conflict resolution is to identify the problem. Identifying the problem allows you to have a more focused argument; without digging out past issues that have been buried long ago. I believe that every couple is going to argue and disagree in many topics; so arguments are unavoidable... There is a more celestial way to fix these problems though: COUNSELING TOGETHER!
If you are constantly talking about issues that are possible sources of stress in your relationship you are will avoid many unnecessary "fights". The leaders of the Church, those whom we sustain as Prophets, have a celestial way of counseling together about the matters of the Church that can be a template to be used for our marriages.
First, before counseling, take some time to express appreciation and love for one another (remember that you are not doing this when you are heated up and ready to fight; rather counseling should take place in a regular basis). Remember also that the leaders of the Church meet at the Temple (a sacred place), every Thursday. Your home is the closest that a place can get to a Temple, so keep it that way! Select a time every week  and have an agenda ready of the things you want to discuss. Start the conversation with a prayer that will invite the Spirit. When discussing, it is important to be as open as possible and be willing to search for the will of the Lord. End the meeting with a prayer and have some refreshments together... Go and do likewise!

Family CriSSSSeeeSSSS :X

Who has not been involved in family crises before? I think we can all agree that it is a part of family life. We all have experienced it, we all have seen it, and have been terrified at the effects that it could have in our families. Most of these unwanted but unavoidable situations are part of family life and it definitely creates anxiety and stress. The thing we need to understand is that: Family stress is a normal part of our experience in mortality. Sometimes a needed and essential part! Through these challenges we learn of the purpose of this life. Understanding the purpose and meaning of our suffering allows us to endure these situations. According to Viktor E. Frankl, a psychologist survivor of the concentration camps in World War II Germany: "one can find purpose in life by learning to find meaning in suffering". His therapy (Logotherapy) is an attempt to help us find the meaning and purpose of all things. He agrees that suffering is unavoidable and sometimes a necessary part of existence. Why then do we freak out when problems strike our families?

Sexuality and Marriage

I grew up  in  country where it is normal to learn about sexuality at a very young age. School was a good source to learn about it; but it was acceptable to watch television shows with your family that contained sexual topics. Weird right? The point is, that I have never been ashamed to talk about sex; until I got baptized a member of the Church. It is interesting how adopting this new culture, made me more aware of this topic and the appropriate settings in which it could be discussed.
I am more careful and more respectful of this topic now; or at least I try to be. I definitely don't treat it as tabboo; but I have realuzed that I cannot treat it as lightly because the truth is; IT IS SACRED!
Learning about the Plan of Salvation raised my vision of the sacredness of sexuality in this mortality. It is something that cannot be treated lightly (as media and entertainment have been doing it); but I ask you to not be afraid or ashamed of the topic. Most Latter-Day Saints do not talk about this topic because it has been a "big NO NO" growing up. Truth is that it will become a part of your life after you are married and learning about it in a straightforward and inspired way will allow you to be knowledgeable and have a happy marriage ;)

big wedding vs. family life security?

When thinking of wedding ceremonies, we tend to think that it is the woman's responsibility (after all, she is the one who has been fantasizing about her the ring's size, the colors, the wedding dress, the place where the reception will take place, the people that she will invite, etc). I always wondered why worried so much about these little details? The wedding ceremony is simply a celebration of the unifying of two souls who love each other. So, shouldn't all of these details be the secondary preoccupation for the couple?
I am not saying that girls should stop dreaming of their wedding day; not at all. The wedding day, it is a special day that needs some planing for sure. What I am trying to say is that it should not be an extra burden either financially or emotionally on the couple.
We can keep it simple and well planned and still treat it like the special day that it really is!
According to the Wedding Planning Association, people spend in average $27,000 in a wedding. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!! The only question I have to ask is why WASTE this much money on a celebration when you could use those resources to start up your family financial security. If your wife really loves you and she really is the "woman that you want to spend eternity with"; then she will understand that there are more priorities than spending such a ridiculous amount of money in a wedding celebration. There are ways to keep it simple and meaningful! Use every resource available!

Love and Dating

Looking back in our time machine to our childhood, thinking about the type of movies that we watched, we realize that media has had an impact on how we perceive love. Many of them, especially Disney movies, portrait a perfect love story with the catchy phrase: “And they lived happily ever after”. It is a fact that marriages and relationships, where there is love, are still going to hit bumpy road. Other necessary factors, besides just love, are necessary in order to be successful and “… live [in harmony] ever after”. In order to achieve this harmony, we first need to understand that another Disney type of misconception is that there is such a thing as a “Prince Charming”.

Love has been a part of our human culture since the beginning of time and is a drive for many behaviors. It brings great joy and balance in our lives. Disney movies have a distorted idea of what love is. Nevertheless, they did get one right: the fact that in love we must fight dragons and enemies. Those enemies and dragons are the struggles and problems of marriage. Everybody has to go through them; there is no exception. An important part of love is knowing how to solve these struggles and learning to keep the spark alive.